Photo by Won Young Park, “Larc De Triomphe De Letoile Paris France”

It might sound crazy, because you’re not in my head, but I think of most of the people I get to know as my “kids”. Not necessarily in the sense of me being their parent or teacher but in how I care about them and how my heart aches for them.

Especially lately I’ve consciously started avoiding meeting new people, not letting them into my life. And it hurts both ways. On one hand, I love getting to know the real person, on the other, the people I do know, I don’t want to leave.

Heading out on the next chapter of my life has been so much of a blessing for me. Not only was I able to deal with work in a different, more distant manner, I also got back the passion for doing “extraordinary” work.

And when I say this, I don’t do it lightly. As some of my closest friends can attest, I judge myself on a high scale. I’m not ashamed to admit slacking off for some time. The difference being, if I judge myself as slacking off, I still do the work asked of me. But if I don’t, as was the case in the last weeks, I produce at 5–10 times the level.

7 years ago, I was cocky and arrogant about this fact, now I’m humbled and grateful. Having a beautiful brain like mine is a gift I need to share. And that’s what I’m setting out to do.

As a member of one of the best teams I’ve had the honor to know, I’m giving my best to share and distribute the knowledge I’ve accumulated over the years. It’s been on my heart for some time that I’ve only been able to open up to a small amount of people. Some recently left. And with me embarking on a new journey, this needs to be amplified.

All my life I’ve taught myself I’m fortunate enough to have Google and the internet to become better and faster. Appreciating the open source community for sharing the code and examples that taught me how to read, write and understand programming.

It has been an adventure with adrenaline ridden highs and lows that kept me awake until the sun rose again. Not for a second I would want to give up the experience and the lessons I was given. Now I’m allowed to give back, tasked to give back, but I need to learn how to make my friends and co-workers understand:

What I’m doing is not for me, what we are doing is not for us, it’s for them.

I can build an application, software to make my life better, but as soon as I open it up, as soon as I give anyone else access, all I’m doing is to make that person’s life better.

Think about it in coding terms; when you work on a bug or feature request. As soon as you make it work it has to pass a test. Did you fix or enhance it for yourself? No, you made it pass the test. You added or removed lines of code to make someone else have a better experience.

Everything we do in life is solving problems. For the good of others, for the good of your customers and yourself. We all live and strive on making the world a little bit better, ever day! That’s the nature of being human.

I’m on the journey of life, 100% committed. To become the best person I can be, to become superhuman, I am willing to risk losing everything if that allows me to safe only one. Because that one is worth it. That one could be the person that elevates humanity to a different level.

Life has found many ways to distract us from our personal goals. Watching TV to get our fix, playing video games and pretending to be the hero. But you can be a hero now, in real life. You can be the one that encourages others, you can be the one to take the sword and stand up for what is right. Not only in a game, but in this world.

Fear is what is holding me back. It’s what has been holding me back for years. Fear of not being good enough. Thinking and worrying of what other people might think about me. Unable to ask for help because others might perceive me as helpless or weak.

What scares me the most right now is the fear of not leaving a mark. Leaving my friends and family, and not being around to celebrate their wins. Not being able to say how much I appreciate them for supporting me. Not being there to have their back in case they need me.

Talking to a friend of mine I realized, in a weird way I look at all of the people I care about like they are my kids. I don’t want to leave them without having someone they can count on, call at any point for support. I want to be around to give them encouragement if needed. And most importantly I just want to hear, every day, that they are good.

I love the people around me and over the last few weeks it’s become increasingly hard to get to know more people. Because every new person I get to know, is a new person I worry about.